The world is heavy. Sometimes the weight of it is just too great and I am overwhelmed by the number of hard things people are walking through.

I just found out about a friend whose husband beat her up and she took him back. This week another dear friend took her husband to the oncologist and talked about life expectancy. And as far as cancer goes, I know way too many people walking through that right now. COVID numbers are going back up. My family is walking through job uncertainty. I saw a news article yesterday about a young man who killed his small children and wife. Pain and evil seem to be everywhere in large amounts.

I realize that because I’m a trauma therapist my sample size might be a little skewed, but everything just feels HEAVY. Literally. Because I’m an empath, I carry a little bit of everything else. I work on boundaries, but I can’t help but feel things to some level with people. It’s why I don’t read the news very often, because I will feel the weight of what I read for days. I have been so exhausted, and for the last week or so, my body literally feels heavy. It is hard to walk and move and all I want to do is lay down. I’m just so tired. I look around and I think, Jesus, please come.

Aren’t we all tired?

There is just so much grief, and we as a society do not grieve well. Most work places offer 3 days bereavement and then you’re back. Generally, by that point, the reality of loss has not even set in yet. And bereavement is usually only offered for death of an immediate family member, it doesn’t even take into account all the other people, things, situations, feelings, ideas and experiences we all grieve.

So we hold it. And it gets bigger and heavier.

So we mask it. And it becomes other things: anger, depression, apathy….

Unresolved grief changes us. It effects how we feel, how we think, how we hear and how we see.

I’m thinking about Mary Magdalene when the resurrected Jesus appeared to her. I love the fact that Jesus appears first to a woman. His birth and His resurrection were first told to a woman, and I think this just shows the value that God places on women. I love the story of the resurrection for so many reasons, obviously, it’s the basis of my faith.

But there is one part that has always bothered me.

How the heck did she not recognize Jesus??

¹¹ Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb ¹² and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.

¹³ They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?”

“They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” ¹⁴ At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

¹⁵ He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?”

Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”

¹⁶ Jesus said to her, “Mary.”

She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”).

¹⁷ Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’”¹⁸ Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: “I have seen the Lord!” And she told them that he had said these things to her

John 20:11-18

First off, Mary Magdalene sees two angels, all white, sitting in the empty tomb and it’s like it doesn’t phase her. Nothing about that seemed weird, and I don’t think angels showed up all the time. And then, she sees Jesus and he speaks to her and she doesn’t react. Mary has a significant history with Jesus. He cast demons out of her, she has followed him and dedicated her life to Him. He literally saved her in every way a person can be saved. Meeting Jesus was undeniably life changing for her. And so, this man, whom she loved and who had so greatly changed the course of her life, speaks to her and she doesn’t have a clue it’s him.

I have always been bewildered by this. And I’ve heard the devotionals about how we can miss God in some really obvious ways because we are focusing on the wrong things, I just don’t think that’s what is happening here. After reading this story post 2020, I think Mary Magdalene is so consumed by her grief, that she can’t see or hear Jesus.

Grief distorted everything. She thinks she has lost the only person who has ever truly seen her as a person. She is grieving one of her best friends, her savior, and grieving him not just from death, but  from a traumatic and tragic death. This grief is like nothing she has ever known before, and Mary was very familiar with grief and loss. But now, not only has she lost the man, but she is probably thinking that all she had been living for is lost too. No one understood that Jesus’ kingdom was heavenly, so when he was crucified, most of Jesus’ followers were confused and unsure of where to go. They had pledged their life to this man, who they think is dead.

Here’s my favorite part though. Mary Magdalene totally misses that the man talking to her is Jesus. She thinks he’s a gardener. And Jesus doesn’t rebuke her for not recognizing him. He doesn’t tell her to dry her tears and get over it because he’s alive. He doesn’t tell her that she should be happy in times of hardship because God is working for her good. He doesn’t tell her to have more faith.

HE CALLS HER BY NAME.

“Mary.”

Y’all, I have goosebumps and tears as I type this and as I think about it. Jesus saw her pain, He saw her grief and while he knew it wasn’t necessary because He knew the big picture, He didn’t try to take it away from her. She needed to feel it and He let her. He was simply with her and reminded her of who she was in the midst of it all.

“Mary.”

And when her savior called her by name, Mary Magdalene felt it. The scales of grief fell and she recognized Him. She was able to see clearly again. And then He entrusted her with probably the greatest message of all time: I am risen and returning to my Father.

There is healing power in being called by name. There is healing power in being seen for who we are, not how we feel or how we act in certain circumstances. Even in her immense grief, Jesus trusted Mary to deliver the greatest and most important message of all time. Even in brokenness and grief we are useful. This was not the first time Jesus saw who Mary was through her emotions or her actions. He had seen her before, when He cast out the 7 demons. This is just how God always sees us, as the child He created. And even though He sees us through the pain and mistakes, He does not dismiss our pain or our humanness. He does not expect us to not be human. It seems He just expects us to still answer when He calls.

And so, as we are a grieving world, for so many reasons, we must do the same. We must call each other by name. We must look to see each other. And we must look up when God calls our name, even if we are looking up with tears in our eyes. We will be met with compassion. We will be met with understanding. And we will most certainly be met by Someone who knows our name.

God knows who you are, even when you don’t. Listen to Him.